What to do?
I felt as unsure as the Dr.'s. What do I do? I'd been praying for answers, I'd talked to a "naturalist" Who do I believe, what do I do? I asked Dennis for a blessing, and continues to pray. I called my Dad to see when he was coming down to the valley, and if he would give me a fathers blessing. He said he would be glad to. He told me also that when I was visiting them the weekend before, which is right after I found out it was cancer, he was hoping I would ask him for a fathers blessing then. It is so interesting, that that weekend I had the thought come to me to ask, but I didn't feel ready, I was not ready to hear what my Heavenly Father wanted to tell me, or that I wasn't humble enough to hear. I progress a little slower than most, but by the next week I was getting there (more humble) and was ready. My Mom asked if I would like my brothers to participate, and I said YES. So we had planned for Thursday July 31st at 8pm. Dennis and I sat our kids down (except Whitney we had to call her) and shared with them what was going to happen, that we would be fasting that Heavenly Father would bless me with a direction, that I would know that he knows me and knows the desires of my heart. The children decided to fast as well. I had been studying about Faith in my preparations, I had been listening to good music, I had been praying all day long to preparemyself to hear. As we gathered together that evening my brothers (minus David & Aaron) and my sister were there, and we waited for Jeff. I find that is it a difficult thing to keep the spirit, it comes and it can leave very quickly, we were struggling to keep the spirit present, Jeff was unable to make it. And we were struggling to keep that sweet spirit close, so we decided to move forward. We sang "I am a Child of God" and the spirit flooded back into the room, we opened with prayer. Then as I sat in a chair, my father, my husband and my brothers surrounded me as my father gave me a sweet, brief, powerful blessing. Rebuking the Cancer, and for me to be healed. I could not control my emotions, I knew that Heavenly Father loved me, He knew who I am, and what I need. I felt this all.

Did this blessing answer all my questions? Did it give me the "plan"? No to both of them. What it did do was strengthen my Faith in Him. But now where to put my Faith, do I believe and live my life on the Faith that He can heal me, do I listen to my Dr.'s, do I listen to the "naturalist", and by doing something, does that show my lack of faith in Him. I felt at peace but not sure what to do. The interesting thing is that my Heavenly Father knows me so well, He was only asking for one step at a time, one little small step toward the darkness and then he would light the way to the next step into the darkness. Dennis and I decided to: Have the surgery, and as soon as we did, it felt right (that small step). People would ask "so when you starting chemo" and my answer was, I'm not ready to make that step, I'm making just this one first. So I proceeded with surgery, where they were able to get 5 lymph nodes, and install a port (access for chemo). The pathology report showed 3 of those lymph nodes were positive for cancer and 2 were clean. It's time for that second step into the darkness. I called Dennis and said Ok it's time to move forward. And I called that day to make the appointment with Dr. Khanuja. One little step at a time.